Saturday, February 28, 2009

If you cant handle the HEAT, get out of the kitchen!!!




It’s a beautiful day out so you decide to go for a walk. As you are walking you approach a traffic light and wait for the walk sign to flash so that you can cross the street. A car pulls up with its windows rolled down and the music blaring. The sidewalk feels like it is pulsating from the music coming from the car. You glance over and stare with your mouth open as two women, one driving, the other a passenger, adjust their Gucci sunglasses, and apply their lipstick. Both are dancing in their seats and singing along with the radio. As the light turns green, the car skids forward with the women’s hijab fluttering in the wind....


You continue along the path, absorbing the beauty of the tress and the river to your left. 15 minutes later you see a couple in the distance heading your way. The man is wearing tight biker shorts and a tank top; the woman is wearing a short sleeved shirt and Capri’s. Both are walking briskly, laughing and talking as they pass you. As they walk past you, they say salaams and you can’t help but notice the bright, pink hijab the woman is wearing, and the long beard on the man.....


You are out shopping when you run into a group of Muslim women. You recognize two of the sisters in the group and they greet you and give you a kiss on each cheek and ask you how you are doing. You exchange numbers (this is the 3rd time you have given them your number, I guess they lost it again), and they promise to call and "catch up"... Weeks later you still haven’t heard from them.....


It's 9pm, your exhausted and the doorbell rings. You look at your husband and raise your eyes. He goes to the door and you hear him greeting his friends. A few minutes later he asks you to go make something for the guests, apparently 2 families have come and you must serve sweets and tea. You scramble to the kitchen to search for food for their guests. You are astonished that muslims are so informal that they can just stop over without calling and invite themselves into your house so late at night. You are used to calling ahead of time and waiting for invitations. Had it been a dinner party you would be expected to serve meat, because moroccans find it insulting if you serve dinner and there is no meat! You have heard stories how people who cant afford meat are looked down at and eventually stop having people over for dinner...


It’s Eid, and you are driving with a few sisters you met at the masjid for the Eid prayer. You have a new abayah and hijab, keeping with the sunnah of wearing something new for Eid. Your abayah is dark blue and your hijab/niqab is Grey. You get to the sister’s house and they are still getting ready. Eid prayer starts at 9:30 and its now 8:45am. Parking is impossible to find unless you get there an hour early. You encourage the sisters to hurry, but they are too busy curling their hair and putting on their jewelry. They put on their bright pink, red and blue salwar kameezes (Indian dresses), and wrap their debuta (hijab), around their heads loosely, allowing strands of hair to come out. You wonder why they are even bothering to wear the debuta if they are going to only put it half way on...


20 minutes later you are in the car and on your way to the masjid. As you arrive at the masjid and park your car your friends lower their debutas even more so that their earrings are displayed. As they exit your car the sound of their heels on the pavement catches the attention of a group of men. As you pass the group of brothers, they turn their heads to watch the sisters walk by, their hips swaying from the height of the heels. You enter the masjid and are blinded by all of the bright pinks, greens, yellows, oranges and red salwar kameezes and debutas. Everyone is decked out in gold bangles, earrings and necklaces and you feel naked with just your wedding ring on your finger and a watch.


There is a huge screen to watch the imam as he gives a lecture and leads the prayer. All you hear is a roar and realize that is the sound of hundreds of women laughing and talking. A few sisters walk up and down the isles with signs that read "silence" and are ignored by the majority of the sisters. As you enter the room, all eyes turn to you and the women casually look you up and down and turn from you to your friends as they size them up and evaluate if they are worth talking to. You feel like you are being judged and although you are wearing a nice abayah, it is not flashy or bright. You love bright colors, but you follow the Sunnah and wear colors that are not too bright to attract attention unless you are just with sisters indoors. After the lecture and prayer the men leave their side and casually stand by the women’s side to chat with the sisters and crowd the hallway, chatting as they watch the sisters leave. Men and women mix and mingle as you find it near impossible to grab your shoes without being stared at by a man. Thank god for niqab!!!


You locate your friends and tell them you will meet them outside. When you step outside, you see a huge crowd of men and women hanging out by the masjids door, socializing. Most of the young women are without hijabs and the young men as well as older men are glancing at the uncovered women like they are eye candy. The debutas that were once half way on the head are now casually hanging from the neck, and each sister is displaying new hairstyle, laughing loudly to attract attention. You rush to your car and sit there until the sisters are done talking.


My dear sisters and brothers in Islam, what has happened to our ummah? Our sisters have made a mockery of hijab and either wear it half way on the head, as a bandana showing their ears and necks or so tight that it looks like it was painted on. I have seen women who wear hijab with transparent shirts, with leather pants, high heels and so much makeup they look like clowns...


My dears, heels are not allowed! They change your natural walk and make your hips sway, making you more alluring to men. Research high heels and you will find out that heels were created by men to oppress women from walking fast!!!!

Hijab is not a piece of cloth, hijab is your identity!!! Hijab is your way of life. Either wear it properly or don’t wear it at all. When you wear it improperly you show disbeliveers that us sisters who wear it properly are wrong and that its not a big deal as we make it out to be. So many sisters wear hijab blindly or because their parents tell them to. They dont understand why they wear it, therefore they make a mockery of it and wear it to school and take it off at night when they go to clubs or bars. I have met a lot of sisters at Islamic conventions that did this. I get tired of explaining to my family why I can’t wear hijab with cropped pants and a tank top even though the neighbor down the street does.


I understand that some sisters are reverts and want to experiment with the hijab, however its better to wear it properly in public then to wear it incorrectly. Its better to educate a revert or born Muslim sister about PROPER hijab then to say oh well, at least they are wearing something.

Hijab and abayah go together, not to mention hijab is a reminder to stay away from bad stuff such as smoking, dating, clubbing, etc. You have to change your mentality when you put the hijab on. That means wearing loose clothes, not skirts or pants but an abayah. Skirts and pants show your shape, whereas an abayah hides your figure.


I know in foreign countries it is normal to just "drop by" a house without calling, you feel its no good to be formal, everyones family, right? Wrong!!! Realize brothers that its the women who suffer because they are the ones who stress out and have to quickly prepare snacks and a meal for the guests. You dont see sisters stopping by unexpectidy, they call first, and if they do stop by they are with their husbands who feel its fine to drop by anytime, regardless. This is not good manners. You should call first, and you should NOT expect your host to prepare for you a huge meal, nor should you complain if you are invited over for dinner and there is no meat.

I cannot get over how moroccans are so obsessed with meat and how insulted they get if you dont serve meat to your guests!!!! Be happy with what you get, my goodness!!!! And please, dont be picky and expect everyone to cook the cuisine of your country. if your friends are married to a woman from a different country why should she be expected to just make food from your country? why are the men so picky and think the cuisine from their country is the best and refuse to eat cusines from other countries, but expect their wife to eat just their food yet they wont try hers?

I am tired of going to Eid prayers and feeling like I am at a fashion show or that I am being judged for what I am wearing. Eid has become a competition amongst the sisters to see who wears the brightest, flashiest outfit and jewelry. Women have become so petty and superficial, its no wonder there is a hadith that states most of the inhabitants of hell, are women!!!!
Is it any wonder that the disbeliveers look at these sisters or brothers who are setting bad examples and laugh at us behind out back? Instead of turning people toward Islam, we are turning them away....


Please, I beg you, come back to the true teachings of Islam, and follow the sunnah of our prophet (saw). When women in his time went to the masjid, they sat behind the men, they were all veiled in niqabs, they were NOT wearing flashy clothes, or perfume, and when the lecture or prayer was over, the prophet would WAIT for ALL women to leave before he allowed the men to turn around and leave. How different it is today. Today the men leave first and then the women follow and they sit and chat together and socialize.

13 comments:

M.J. said...

ameen!!! you mention some very true stuff and a lot of big issues here all in one post, masAllah. the heels issue bothers me especially... i mean i love heels and if i can give them up you can too! lol :) eid prayers are ridiculous too... honestly i hate to go to the masjid sometimes just because of all the showiness. it seems like all the women are there only to be loud and gossip or show off for a potential husband. ugh!

Asiya said...

You are sooo right!

My husband and I were talking about this just last night--I went to an islamic lecture at the downtown masjid, and I was *trying* to listen , but I was sooo distracted by all of the women texting (!) and running in and out of the hall to make phone calls! Seriously, why bother going to prayers or a lecture if you are just going to text/ talk the WHOLE time!

I agree, sometimes i really don't like going to the masjid for this reason.

Ex-hijabi said...

Its called dupatta not whatever you call it. Anyway if you feel so passionately this way then maybe I should reconsider adn stop wearing hijab since in your opinion and every other 'religious' personds opinion I'm shaming Islam ? What happened to a little being better than nothing and making excuses, people aren't going to be in burqas overnight, or anything near that. We're not all perfect Muslim ladies like you are, so sorry. Maybe I should stop covering my hair and start beautifying it again, this is the naseeha I got from your post, thanks a lot. It's people like you who make me feel bad, I might wear hijab and jeeans and even that is a struggle for me and no one seems to notice or care of have sympathy. Everyone can talk crap about others without actually speaking to one of these sisters How many times have you sat privately with them and discussed the matter with them and get their input? None I bet, way to be judgemental!

Thirst For Knowledge said...

salaam alaikum ex-hijabi

I am sorry that you feel insulted. I know first hand how hard it can be to wear hijab, because before i reverted to islam i was obsessed with straightinig my hair, wearing designer clothes, high heels, makeup, you name it. Once i embraced islam and learned more about islam i found hijab to be very beautiful, even before i reverted i was captivated with hijab and found it to be very pretty. My point is, what prevents you from wearing it correctly? Why pick and choose which parts of islam to practice? Why pray and stay away from pork but not wear hijab? Or why wear hijab and not pray? Muslims pick and choose. Allah tells us very clearly in the quran that women must wear hijab/abayah. The problem is parents. They do not teach their children proper islam, and most of them are not good examples themselves and therefore the children grow up believing that hijab is cultural and not important and pick and choose when to wear it. As a revert i never wore my hijab halfway or had half of my hair showing, when i decided to wear it, i made sure i wore it properly, otherwise whats the point? You should really ask yourself what is holding you back? What is preventing you from wearing hijab properly? I am making observations and showing how wearing hijab improperly as well as matching it with short sleeves and tight pants has non-muslims laughing and mocking islam, as well as making it harder for muslims to show non-muslims the correct teachings of islam. I have sat and talked with sisters who do not wear hijab, and they claim that its not that important and most believe that its not fard. Any scholar will tell you its fard, yes there is a debate about niqab, but not hijab. Abayah is what goes with the hijab, in the quran it talks about an outer garment that you wear over yourself. It makes no sense to wear hijab and tight clothes. It would be better for the religion if those sisters who wear tight clothes or short skirts and hijab removed the hijab while wearing those clothes instead of making a mockery of the religion.

Thirst For Knowledge said...

by the way, i am not saying that if you wear tight pants to take off hijab, im saying if you are wearing short skirts, tank tops and your hijab is half on, whats the point of wearing it? Hijab is meant to cover yourself, and yet half of you is still naked....hijab is not just to cover your hair, but your whole body!!!

Ex-hijabi said...

well that's not when you said, you just said wear it right or not at all. how am i supposed to know there were exceptions in that. you have to be careful with your words. so then theres nothign wrong with jeans then........

Thirst For Knowledge said...

Ex-hijabi, do you agree that if a sister is wearing her hijab half way on her head and her hair is showing, or she has her ears and neck exposed and is wearing it like a bandana that there is any benefit in wearing it? Hijab is not just to cover the hair. Hijab covers the body too. Its better to wear jeans and a hijab then jeans and a hijab that is half way on, in that situation the sister really needs to ask herself why she cant just put it all the way on, and if she feels she is not ready then she should wait. But please, sisters dont pick and choose. Some muslims get so picky about pork but when it comes to hijab they act like its no big deal not to wear it. We will be questioned on the day of judgment about why we didnt wear hijab. There is everything wrong with jeans and hijab, the combination contradicts one another. I THINK the best thing to do is educate our sisters about proper hijab and strengthing their iman.... If you truly fear Allah then you will be more concerned about following what he commands than what your peers think.

Ex-hijabi said...

okay so dont be a hypocrite then. someone wearing halfway hijab is better than no hijab then right? or are these exceptions according to you.

Thirst For Knowledge said...

Ex-hijabi, if you want to know whats right and wrong, read the quran. I do not make the rules, Allah does. If you dont like what he has ordained, then wait until judgment day when he questions you about it and you can complain all you want. Yes, women that have the hijab half way on, need to either take it off, or put it all the way on. let me make this perfectly clear, when you are wearing it half on, or pairing a hijab with cropped pants and a tank top (intentionally and knowing that its haram) you are not even wearing hijab. Again, hijab is NOT just a scarf, its also your outer garment. It looks ridiculous to wear a hijab with short sleeves and shorts or cropped pants and your hair coming out of the hijab. Either wear it right, or educate yourself about what hijab is and wait until you can wear it properly before you put it on. You are still comitting a sin if you wear it half way on, knowing that its against the teachings of islam. So my dear ex-hijabi, if you feel it is not fard and it is ok to not wear hijab that is your choice, but do us all a favor and either wear it properly (covering all the hair) or dont wear it at all. Its like me saying ill eat some pork, but not all of it, is that ok? Or i will date sometimes, but not all the times, are both ok? they contradict one another, therefore know that when you wear hijab with tight clothes or short sleeved shirts and short pants with your hair hanging out you are contradicting one another. Please go and read the quran because it clearly states that one must wear hijab. And its not just for women, men have their own hijab (beard) and modest clothing

Thirst For Knowledge said...

By the way, the sisters who do it half way on, or pair it with tight clothes, or short clothes with their legs and arms exposed or neck or actually causing corruption in society. They are encouraging men to lust after them and are creating more problems, which is a sin in itself. So you can see its better for her not to associate her lack of respect toward islam by pairing it with a hijab and mocking the religion

Hesham Al-maqdisi said...

Assalaamu alaikum wr wb, and peace to those who follow guidance...

I'm a brother, and i'm going to talk from a male perspective. My comment is basically a reply, to the sister that proudly declares herself an EX- hijabi...

If you think a man will love you because you're wearing high heels, or showing a few hairs... then your wrong... that kind of male (and not man) who will feel attracted to you, is simply going to use you, and then leave you once he finds higher heels and nicer hairs (heels and hairs here are clearly and obviously allegorical). A real man, need a real woman, and he will love, respect and appreciate her, for what she is, not for how she looks... thats the point of hijab. The prophet in his well known hadith describes the totality of a woman's body as a awra, in the sense that it is extremely attractive to men, and since it is, then it's FARD for women to do, in order to keep away the wolves roaming loose out there, is to cover her awra (her body) and let people appreciate, evaluate and feel attracted to her, for what she is, for what she says and does.

It is FARD to wear hijab, just like it is FARD for a soldier to wear his armor when going to war...

Therefore, I would say that a woman that doesnt wear hijab, or doesnt practice, as well as a brother that doesnt, are NOT shaming Islam, because Islam is too sublime and high to be stained by them... they are shaming nothing but themselves.
A sister that dresses trashy and wears hijab half way...etc, is mocking Allah, telling him am going to obey ur orders but i'm going to do it MY way, not YOUR way.

shaaheen said...

mashalah. I think whilst superficially the sisters might not be wearing the right hijab i think it is one step and yes it does look awfully bad... but as one scholar said 'no country has not been influenced by western ideology/thoughts' and so in these times i think good opnion and condenming wrong are hard to balance (give your brother (gender neutral) seventy excuses then blame yourself'.
I think brothers and sisters who come from a bollywood and hollywood world find it really hard because islam is stuck in the middle. And many brothers and sisters (come from very 'relgious' familes (like you mentioned in one of your posts) wherein some have very very strict parents, to the point that the child grows up not having a indentity and leaves everything of Islam or keeps some remants.
But nice advice from Ex Hijabi aswell because she invited you to have dialogue with herself and the sisters who wear it differently.
We need more of that.

shaaheen said...

Also many (maybe some) brothers who have mashallah, grown beards wear crazy stuff also and chill smoke, mess about with girls etc.

So the sisters who have physical hijab and the social hijab like the brothers who have beards and understandd thier role as role models and ambassadors;
Both have the responsibilty then to give beautifaul naseeha (advice) and be patient because the brothers and sisters who are acting wrong or need some love and advice will come for that love and advise because they are supposed to see you all (and think 'i want that way, that prophetic, beautiful way, spirtual not egotical, material way..')
But when our sisters and brothers come are we ready? (are we not fullfiling our roles?)
Its hard but Allah makes it easy, and those who follow his way and teach(scholars) are the ones to take advice from regarding 'forbidding evil and commanding good' in todays age.

And Allah loves us and knows what we have in out hearts.

Last but not least - Jazak Allah khayran for this blog.